Sunday, 26 May 2019

A New Metric

Our company is doing really well
though results are lower than expected,
we’re not cynics, nor do we wish to sell
a product or service.  We elected
to measure our business with a true scale,
which is based on a system quite new,
besides which financial results seem to pale,
for in money there is little virtue.
Our system shows relative holiness 
and we’re holier, much more so, than thou,
it’s reliable, there is no wooliness,
the metrics are clear, here, I’ll show you how
we prove our levels of diversity
among our employees, where such things count.
We have ways we detect adversity,
we weigh it, assign an exact amount,
a number, to hardship exhibited.
And then we add it up, and thereby prove
our worth.  And nothing is prohibited
all forms of misery weigh, we remove
only those who are happy and able
from work: their mirth causes irritation
to those at the top of the mood table.
Fit workers have no imagination
and show childish levels of humour
they don’t even try to invent disease,
not the least little slow growing tumour
which they know would give them a chance to please,
to show the boss how they’re really oppressed,
but they’re hampered by decency, of course,
and won’t pretend to be ill or repressed
for the sake of promotion and do not endorse
any cheating.  So we sack them, it’s best
and permits those who struggle to climb high,
and though we’re accused of exploitation,
this is something we always deny. 

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