The Middle Aged Man In Lycra Song.

I'm married to a middle aged man in Lycra,
Although he doesn't wear it  much around the house
As it's really not so fetching,
In a man who's quite knock kneed,
Though from a distance it's dramatic,
And looks wonderful at speed.
For it's shiny blue and stretching
Every which way that it can,
And it tends to get all static,
(Though not like a caravan)
Nor yet is he acrobatic
But it makes a crackling sound,
When his stuff he is a strutting
Which is something that I've found
Can be really quite off putting
So I don't know where I am,
As he rubs it up against my Harris tweed.