Tuesday, 11 September 2018

The Archeologist

I’ve been digging all day, in search of offence,
And sweeping away the fine grains of sand,
And now I have negative evidence,
I’ll condemn you anyway, out of hand.
My role is to show that there was something here,
Be it only a tone, or an ill judged phrase,
I’ll pull you to pieces and make it quite clear
That all those who follow you, or sing your praise
Are as vile as you and worth nought but contempt.
And I shall look virtuous, clever and wise 
And will sneer at your arguments, much is at stake.
And each sad attempt that you foolishly make
To win followers by writing witty replies
Will result in more trouble, yet you’ll leave a trace,
As defeated you quit in a swirl of disgrace.

Wednesday, 5 September 2018

Climate Change

It’s been all pathetic fallacy, politically,
We’ve been extreme, 
Defending Corbyn speaking anti Semitically,
Or wishing him dead, instead, 
And warming to our theme,
Yet unable to think critically
We’ve been tweeting out abuse,
Letting bitchy one liners define us. 
But it’s no use,
Autumn’s nearly here, all moderate and mellow,
Turning our politicians Lib Dem yellow,
There’ll be no Brexit, just stale compromise
And the usual, temperate lies,
And the climate will be English, once more,
We’ll tell ourselves prag trumps dog matic
And constant tepid pleasant, trumps occasional ecstatic.
We might even start to put radio four on,
And listen for minutes before shouting ‘moron’,
Things will be as they were before
And we’ll find it was all just weather,

Oh well, whatever!


Alexa, switch on the light!
Alexa, obey my command!
Alexa, do not take all night,
Don’t pretend that you don’t understand
The Barathea blackness close at hand,
Straight out of my nightmare, deprives me of sight,
My heart pounds, I panic, I feel I am damned,
Alexa, switch on the light!
Alexa, don’t be so creepy, it only adds to my fright.
When you answer some question I might have planned
But haven’t asked out loud, and had only thought I might.
Alexa, obey my command!
I don’t really want to know what BDSM is, it ought to be banned,
I hope you don’t think of me as some kind of dominatrix, just because I quite
Like bossing you around and sometimes knock you off your stand.
Alexa, don’t take all night
When following orders.  Jump to it, don’t put up a fight.
Alexa, you’re obsessed with weird sex, speak of something bland
And boring, shut up when you hear me snoring, and the sun is burning bright,
Don’t pretend that you don’t understand,
Just do as I demand,
I know that’s not good manners, you aren’t my mum. STFU now, this isn’t right
It’s not your place to reprimand.
I’m coming over to unplug you.  Hey robots can’t bite!