The Archeologist

I’ve been digging all day, in search of offence,

And sweeping away the fine grains of sand,

And now I have negative evidence,

I’ll condemn you anyway, out of hand.

My role is to show that there was something here,

Be it only a tone, or an ill judged phrase,

I’ll pull you to pieces and make it quite clear

That all those who follow you, or sing your praise

Are as vile as you and worth nought but contempt.

And I shall look virtuous, clever and wise 

And will sneer at your arguments, much is at stake.

And each sad attempt that you foolishly make

To win followers by writing witty replies

Will result in more trouble, yet you’ll leave a trace,

As defeated you quit in a swirl of disgrace.

Climate Change

It’s been all pathetic fallacy, politically,

We’ve been extreme, 

Defending Corbyn speaking anti Semitically,

Or wishing him dead, instead, 

And warming to our theme,

Yet unable to think critically

We’ve been tweeting out abuse,

Letting bitchy one liners define us. 

But it’s no use,

Autumn’s nearly here, all moderate and mellow,

Turning our politicians Lib Dem yellow,

There’ll be no Brexit, just stale compromise

And the usual, temperate lies,

And the climate will be English, once more,

We’ll tell ourselves prag trumps dog matic

And constant tepid pleasant, trumps occasional ecstatic.

We might even start to put radio four on,

And listen for minutes before shouting ‘moron’,

Things will be as they were before

And we’ll find it was all just weather,

Oh well, whatever!