Saturday, 28 September 2019

A Plea

Please don’t nail my testicles to the table,
It’s’s a valuable table and I prize it.
It’s rosewood, 1820 , deep red brown with grain of sable,
And it’s English too, so please do not despise it.
Of course the Regent did admire the Napoleonic style,
So it has a graceful French look about it,
And of course you know, I too, am a mad keen Francophile,
It’s not my balls I care about, don’t doubt it. 

Inspired by this section of an article in The Spectator by Rory Sutherland:

Remainers have almost exclusively made their case on economic grounds, yet in a manner far more fanatical than the businesses they claim to defend. One of the strangest aspects of the Brexit debate is how readily people on the left adopt neo-liberal beliefs about free trade when it supports their emotional predisposition. This may explain why such people have won so few converts; after all, it doesn’t sound convincing to hear leftists suddenly profess passionate concern for global supply-chains. Theirs is an emotional fear disguised as an economic argument; a bit like saying: ‘Please don’t nail my testicles to the table, it’s a very valuable table.’
You can’t help but think: ‘That isn’t your real reason, is it? 

Tuesday, 17 September 2019

“The Haste of the Fool is the Slowest Thing in the World. “

The slowest thing in the world is the haste of the fool,
Who seeks to undermine that which over years
Has been held fast, because it is a good.
He rushes through his Bills and seeks to rule
A people whom he holds in deep contempt,
And cannot bear the fact he shares their race,
Dispensing with their wishes in distaste
He makes them criminal by passing acts.

Because he is a fool he moves in haste
And sees the nation through his weak, myopic lenses
A poor, distorted, wishy washy place
Where principle and moral have no force,
Revealing he has nothing understood
And ultimately cannot stay the course.

And other fools, whipped up into like frenzies,
Craving power in their ignorant greed,
Champion his folly as they school
Their minds in shallow, thin and meaningless ideas,
Believing they are radical, in contradiction
To the definition of the word, for who needs facts?

That which Orwell had predicted but thought fiction
Has come about through this crazèd, foolish speed
This ‘rational’, ‘liberal’ shallow intervention
Has sought to lay a once great nation waste. 

But a fool’s haste is the slowest thing there is
And a country knows its stories and its fate
And writes its history in terms of people,
And fools, by definition, learn too late
Their folly, viz:
Movements borne of popular dissent
Are never crushed by those who legislate. 

Wednesday, 4 September 2019

Detected as Spam

This comment has been detected as Pek,
Your previous comment was detected as Fray Bentos corned beef,
Because it attempted to start a bit of an Argie bargie.
Here at the Spectator, every time we see one of your comments,
We think ooh ‘eck, this woman’s ideas are beyond the pale,
But we don’t want anyone giving her grief,
We believe in free speech, yet this woman’s feeble minded, frail,
And highly offensive, like cheap ham.
So we’ll detect her remarks as spam,
All arseholes and eyeballs, and beyond belief.