An Inferiority Complex Induced by Looking at The Mail Online.

I have never flashed a side boob,

And I fear I never will,

Though I may have flashed a nipple,

While a baby took its fill.

I have never flashed a side boob;

I'm not big enough to spill

Out of daring low cut gowns,

So there's no anticipatory thrill

As I "step out" on the street

Un-toned, un-honed, 

Small boned and neat,

And I find I needs must bolster

Each saggy little teat.

I have never flashed a side boob,

I have no embonpoint, that guides

The roving eye to cleavage:

Only hard flat chest divides.

I'm a small and saggy woman,

And though I look quite thin,

I have a droopy stomach and a fold

Of flab that hides

Beneath enormous knickers whose untold

Glory is their strength 

In holding back the tides

Of stretch marked skin.

I am boring, dull and old

Or over the hill,

(Small hummock or wold)

I'm not clever, never did the Rubik's Cube,

And yet I feel I really am a woman still,

And have woman's vanities and prides,

Though I've never flashed a side boob

(Never even worn a boob tube)

For my bosom's much too little to have sides.