The Chemicals of Self Doubt and Certainty (sestina)

A fear which is in essence chemical,

between the ending of my dream and wakefulness,

comes flooding in among the crevices

of matter,  white and grey, within my head.

And so I rise to consciousness in panic

and feel I must un-say all that I've said.

I don't know why it's all that I have said,

which is the focus of this chemical

attack, but in the early morning in this panic,

I must expunge myself; in wakefulness,

or something like it, some sense within my head

wants to take back evidence,  from crevices
and places less well hidden. Crevices

are figments; the internet has none. I've said

I want to take things back, but in my head

there is no reason, just some chemical

which causes me to act, in wakefulness,

according to an incoherent  panic.

And yet when I review my thoughts, not panic,

but a sense that I was right floods crevices,

so self doubt starts to ebb in wakefulness

and, as what I have thought is what I've said,

in reading back I reinforce my views, another chemical?

A Certainty Etching Acid in my head?
And is this why I do it? Does my head

present me with this sense of awful panic

to make me question? Is the chemical

of fear really benignant, are crevices

flushed out  to be re- filled?  Who said

we were more sane in wakefulness

than sleep? I feel, in wakefulness

a need to reassure myself. My head,

requires encouragement because I've said

things years ago I disagree with. I panic,

lest I'm wrong now as I then was, crevices

in matter grey and white, contain the chemical

of doubt. In wakefulness, I  panic,

my head, no doubt, in crevices,

contains all I have said, and bathes it in this polarising chemical.