Boob Job (Boyes is a chain of shops in East Yorkshire, it sells everything from underwear to paint and cooking utensils)

From Boyes, appropriately,

Reduced, inappropriately.

Loads bigger than mine,

And yet, just my size.

Not Platex,

But a bra for the way you are not,

Only £2.99.

And when you recline

They stay looking fine,

The whole lot

Just stays put,

Two big, too big baps, on the spot,

Standing on parade.

Combined with latex

Shapewear

I feel I want to shout,

“I’m no longer a pear,

But something divine.”

Only, would a divine thing embody lies,

Or want to look like a barmaid?

There’s a metaphysical question,

Just as a suggestion,

To try and persuade

You I’m not scraping the barrel

For something to write about.