Mummy, Can You Give Me A Lift?

"Mummy, can you give me a lift to London, I’m going to riot?

I’m sick of all this lockdown peace and quiet.

I’ll be ready to go in an hour,

I’m just going to shower

Then straighten my hair,

I simply have to be there

With my friends from Uni and the Ladies College,

Well, Tabitha, Constance and Eleanor are going, to my knowledge.

We’ll probably pretend we don’t know each other,

Since we’re going to support our black American brother,

George Floyd, that innocent, gentle giant with his heart of gold,

Who will not grow old, as we grow old,

Will never see his investments push him in to the top one percent,

Financially, as we will.

Still, I have to go and say I dissent,

I am not part of this privileged group of people with white skin,

I’m one of the good guys, always in

On the in thing, the latest fashionable craze or idea,

I’m going to have bare legs to show my tattoos,

Though they’re a bit last year.

I’ll go without knickers as there won’t be any loos,

I don’t know what I’ll do, I haven’t planned,

But I may well just have to pee where I stand.

I can be there to support other courageous men,

As they throw bricks and bikes at the police, it said on News at Ten

The riots were largely peaceful, so I won’t be in danger,

And I’m actually no stranger

To some of the guys from Antifa, there’s this one guy,

Guy, I met him in his gap year, he’s an old Wykehamist

Now he’s reading Economics at Peterhouse,

But he’s no mouse,

He likes to get out there, beat the shit out of some fascist,

With white privilege, he’s taking a baseball bat

In case he sees this girl from Scunthorpe, defending the cenotaph,

Who started to laugh,

When she heard his accent and called him a posh twat."