Tuesday, 26 January 2016

The Student Wanker's Starter Pack. ( Inspired by an article by James Delingpole.)

Encased in plastic, so it won't get spattered,
The 'Student Wanker's Starter Pack'
Contains the whole of Marcuse' theory
In bite size chunks.  No need for tattered
Hardback copies of the works of Marx which lack
Appeal for youth, dumbed down, by dreary
Comprehensive teaching. Let them feel flattered
By this gift of 'safety', these illiberal ideas, which stack
Neatly and comprise the whole of weary,
Hackneyed, left wing bollocks, once scattered
Over decades, now collected. You can track
Your student's growth online, read his cheery
Tweets inspired by our section, 'useful quotes'
And see him joust, leaving opponents battered
By the brilliance of his comments.  At the back
Are links to useful, foreign, hedge-funded charities with notes
On how to secure money for good causes. Any query
Regarding the accuracy of the information will be ignored.
But though your illusions might be shattered,
Your student wanker will be primed and ready to attack,
For thanks to our chapter on tolerance towards Sharia
(As well as the promotion of those non binary and gender queer
- We do love balance)
His conversion to Islam means no bleary
Mornings turning into afternoons of hangover and being bored:
The student wanker will become the adult warlord.

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