All humanity consists of five main types.
You can class them on the fingers of one hand.
The nice ones are the lefties with their gripes
About the world not really being fair,
Because, I think you need to understand,
That this is how we neutral people judge.
The others are the nasty right wing sort,
Authoritarians and racists, homophobes,
Who ought to shuffle off this mortal coil,
Because they disapprove of 'others' and begrudge
The outgroup taking all their jobs
While at the same time moaning about benefits,
Paid out to shirkers, how they rant!
They don't like change, they're thick and toil
At red neck work, and don't like slobs,
But that's because they're racists, in the end,
Everything comes down to this, you comprehend.
The lefties are the caring, loving goodies,
Keeping standards low and hugging hoodies.
But I'm an academic and no slant
Of bias can be found within my work.
There's nothing that I claim I cannot verify,
By referencing myself, though this might terrify
Those who search for scientific rigour.
I do not give a toss, because I'm bigger
Than those morons on the right,
Who are not very bright,
What are they to me? I'm Mr Big, I'm Mr Haidt
Perhaps I’m really Mr Haidt