A Specially Trained Officer

I am the very model of a special, well trained Whatsitsname,

I'm here to give ‘support’ and play a rather controversial game,

My boss, the Crown in England, in light of fights historical,

Says families must call for calm when folk become hysterical. 

I'm very well acquainted, too, with arguments political,

And those upon the right are simple, never philosophical,

Regarding all the theories as to who killed who, now in the news,

My role is to shut those up expressing their uncensored views.

I'm on the side of those who do not wish to integrate and calculate

The State must clamp down hard and legislate,

In short, in matters which provoke and light a nasty far right flame

I am the very model of a special, well trained Whatsitsname. 

I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and the ancient blacks,

I always march with Pride and strive to keep my morals really lax,

I quote in sorrow all the crimes of Britain’s awful Empire,

In comic mood I take the floor to scoff at those who still admire

The works of Shakespeare, Donne or Milton, 

Or modern works which seem to be on giants’ shoulders built on.

I never hum a fugue, it’s simple music I prefer,

Aught reminiscent of the past is that which good men must deter,

Who cares what’s written down on clay in Babylonic cuneiform?

Not me, a special bloke, without a uniform:

In short, in matters ethnic, tense and highly criminal,

I am the very model of a special, mindless animal.

(After every murder in Britain where white British people are the victims of immigrants from Africa or Asia or Albania or the descendants of such immigrants, the police warn us not to speculate about the killer and tell us the victims’ families have requested this. Whereas in fact families in these circumstances are visited by ‘specially trained officers’ whose role is to shut them up and to write political statements in praise of immigrants generally on their behalf to try and keep a lid on civil unrest while the establishment goes on importing hundreds of thousands more unvetted immigrants.  This process is called ‘supporting the victim’s family’.)